This morning I was once again a prisoner of the modern age.
This seems to be happening more and more often. First it was a tv and not being able to decipher between 4 different remotes which one would turn the dang thing on and my first ranting of, "Whatever happened to SIMPLE? I just want to turn the tv ON!". That was over 7 years ago.
The next hostage event was just last year with the washing machine.
We had a front loader. Once you lock your program down, that's it for the duration, no matter if you left a thousand dollar bill in your pocket or your last photo of your great-great-grandmother, you W-I-L-L N-O-T access that item until THE MACHINE has completed it's cycle. Why? Because you'd flood your floor if you opened the door. It seemed to happen a lot and it does when you are a little older; you forget to take something out of your pockets, although having a clean lip balm is rather nice as long as it doesn't make it into the dryer, then it's not pretty. I now have a top-loading (BUT water-saving!!) washing machine--which I still have to babysit so I can have PLENTY of rinse water for my clothes; otherwise they get shredded in about 3 cups of rinse water, almost like scrubbing your clothes on a rock--but I can fix that by putting the cycle back on wash and filling the tub with PLENTY of water and turning it back to rinse. Ha ha, Whirlpool, you can't fool me!!
And today? I was held hostage by a porn video on my cellphone!! Uh huh, that's what I said. I had just received a text message from my son and it was literally INTERRUPTED by an urgent notice informing me I had an incoming text video. I sort of assumed that it was Mike sending a photo of something and when it first loaded, it looked like two hands being held. Then the audio began and it was a strange mix of oohing and cooing. So, having had a few friends who just had babies, I thought someone was sending me a video of a parent grasping a babies' hand with the baby making those cute little baby noises.
AND THEN IT GOT GRAPHIC!!
Oh oh, that's NO BABY, I said to myself, oh my that's NOT FROM MICHAEL, either!!
I hurriedly STOPPED the video which seemingly incurred the wrath of THE MACHINE and all of a sudden my phone was totally incapacitated. There was a blank white screen and on the front of my phone the message read: PLEASE WAIT WHILE THE APPLICATION IS BEING DISABLED.
Twenty minutes of disability.
I could not turn the phone off, I could not change the effect by pushing any other button whatsoever.
I was trapped by a silent moaning nasty. And then I got mad. I couldn't call anyone because...they're all locked inside my cell phone! I had to disconnect my computer and thank heavens for call forwarding because I called the hubby on his cell phone from the land line (which was forwarded to his cell phone) and I got a hold of a friendly human. "Kevin, I have a porno video on my phone and it won't let go of me!"....."What?"...I said: I got a porno video and it has taken over my phone and won't let me shut down or do anything on the phone. And here comes the voice of confidence and reason, "Well, just take the back off the phone and take out the battery", he says. "How do you do that?" I asked. As Hubby went into the diatribe of the how-to, I lost my tracking and all the things he was saying didn't make any sense. "Oh, I'll just figure it out, bye!". Because he's at work, the poor guy is probably still wondering what is going on.
After I calm down and the brain starts to click in, I got back online with the computer and emailed my daughter for her brothers' phone number, once I received that, I was about to call my son when, miracle of miracles, my cell phone rings and it breaks the back of Little Miss Porn Star. Hooray!!
I had tried to remove the back of the cell phone but apparently that only works when you accidentally drop the phone. When Michael came over (because he was listening to his hysterical and freaking out mother), he immediately deleted the offending message--so no, I do not know who sent it--but showed me how simple it was to remove the back cover. Without dropping it.
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